25

On Sunday, December 18th I turned 25 years old. Although frightening to hit the quarter-century mark, it wasn't nearly as tumultuous as I imagined it to be.  No walls came caving in, I didn't see any gray hair, and thankfully I didn't hear my biological clock ticking ( although I'm convinced it really does) . Facebook knows how to make you feel like a celebrity for a day by telling all of your friends it's your day so they write on your wall to send you birthday wishes. There were generic "Happy Bday" messages, and sincere messages from your friends you actually see outside of Facebook-land. My favorite wish of the day was "hbd". I am not unappreciative of such a wish, but it surprised me that "Happy Birthday" has now become a part of our text language in the same vein as "LOL" or "WTF".

My least favorite birthday wish was a phone call at 3:21 AM Monday morning, the day after my birthday. I was awake (I've been having some sleeping issues lately), so it wasn't really the call that upset me . And, if you know me you know I don't accept calls from blocked/unknown numbers , and I let it go to voicemail. As I played the voicemail a few minutes later , I was surprised by the voice knowing that I hadn't heard from them in months. Yet hearing "I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I was in jail" wasn't really what I was expecting to hear come out of their mouth. I've never received a call from jail, and I don't think I know too many people that have gone.  A lot of thoughts went through my head,  Was I their one call? How do I call them back? What jail? What did they do? Are they hurt? . Knowing this person and their previous history, I assumed bar fight, or DUI. Horrible assumptions, right?

Two days later I find that my assumptions were unfortunately true, and my friend received their SECOND DUI. Their BAC was .24 or .27 and they very  likely could have killed themselves or someone else. Thankfully, neither of those were the result of my friend choosing to test the roads while drunk. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that this is their second arrest considering their minimal emotional response to me telling them my friend died of a drinking and driving accident  just over a year ago, or their lack of comforting me in a time I needed a shoulder to cry on. That blood alcohol level is extremely high, and thinking that they could get behind the wheel is the result of drinking that much. The bigger question to me, Why didn't anyone stop them? Most likely my friend was out at a bar, or at some one's house getting drunk. Why did  no one stop them from getting in the car and driving home? I've gotten in a fight or two with friends for not letting them drive drunk. Sure I'll be the asshole for the night or forever, but I know I'm doing the right thing. Why did not one person care about my friend enough to stop them from getting behind the wheel? I see the Facebook messages to my friend telling them they're glad they're okay, and they love them, but do they really? Clearly not enough.

I don't blame those people of course, I blame my friend. Over the course of our twelve year friendship I've not only seen our friendship decline, but also  this person's overall well-being decline dramatically. I've seen our lives go in polar opposites, yet I've held on to our friendship because I see a glimmer of my old friend in there. My friend has chosen the bottle of alcohol over better life choices. Several months ago I hung out with my friend and after they nearly passed out at the bar, and men approaching to take advantage, I had to get them out of there. When I took them home I made sure they were okay and in bed but I just remember looking at my friend in such a state I hadn't seen them in. They were beyond drunk, and it worried me that if I hadn't been there my friend could have been in a worse state.  Clearly my friend has a disease, and it's not being treated.  I can't fault my friend for the disease they have because I wouldn't be a friend to them.  I'm not writing this  to put my friend on blast, and make them feel worse then they already do (although they probably won't read this), but I'm definitely scared for them. How much more can you put not just yourself, but your friends and family through? I've never had my heart ache the way it did when my friend Danielle died and although death is inevitable, I never want to lose a friend or family member because of alcohol again.

So this was definitely an odd/sad start to my 25th year of living, but hopefully that will be the worst news of the year. With just a few days until Christmas, and less than a week until New Year's Eve, I hope that you all make the right choices when celebrating.

Of course it wouldn't be a blog post without a little music, so here's a video of 4 Non Blondes singing "What's Up" ( the only song I know of that talks about being 25..)